Daily Departures

Departing daily from the ordinary objects of my thoughts.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Chuck Norris is NOT cool

I don't care what your friends say, I don't care what your kids say, heck, I don't even care what your mother says, Chuck Norris is simply not cool. If the image isn't evidence enough, just try to think of a single movie that stared Chuck Norris that was cool. I know what you are thinking. You're thinking that Delta Force was a cool movie; well, you're wrong. Delta Force was a cool movie until Chuck Norris showed up in it (which was thankfully not until a good way into the movie).

OK, enough bashing Chuck Norris. The point of this post was not to do that, but to point out a website that you should all go and read. The site is called Chuck Norris Facts. The site is best read as dozens and dozens of subtle and not-so-subtle jabs at Chuck Norris; some are a little less than savory, but all appear to be appeals to his coolness.

Three of my favourite Chuck Norris Facts:

(1) Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

(2) Chuck Norris doesn't shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

(3) There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.


  • At 2/01/2006 06:52:00 PM, Anonymous Oliver said…

    C'mon now. There's a point where someone/thing becomes so bad/uncool, that it actually becomes good/cool again.

    I'd say Chuck Norris, and Chuck Norris films fall firmly into the 'so bad that they're good' category.

  • At 2/02/2006 04:23:00 AM, Blogger Mark said…

    Oli, I agree 100% that there is a point at which uncool things--because of there uncoolnness--become cool. However, there is also another point at which those thing that have gone past the initial uncoolness stage, to once again become cool, arrive at another uncoolness stage. Chuck Norris is well into that stage. AND, there is no coolnedd stage beyond this. So, Chuck Norris is simply not cool.

  • At 2/02/2006 05:13:00 AM, Anonymous Oliver said…

    So, in your opinion, on the graph of cool against cool, we're looking at a point beyond where something is cool, passed the dip where something is uncool, passed the hump where something is so bad it's good, and somewhere in the region of so bad, it's just bad?

    I disagree. Chuck Norris films are, at least, funny. Funny because Chuck Norris is funny. I mean, just look at that beard! How can you not be entertained by that?

  • At 2/02/2006 09:47:00 AM, Blogger Mark said…

    Exactly, you've understood my conception of Chuck Norris's uncoolness perfectly.

    Funniness is a little different than coolness. I think that someone can be cool independent of all other people, however in order to be funny, you need other people to think you are funny (so, funniness is a relation). Funnines only leads to coolness if you are laughing along side the one you think is funny and not at the person (as is the case with Chuckie). So, that's how I think of it all. You can derive entertainment from Chuckie, but not because of his coolness but because it is fun to laugh at him.


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